Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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