he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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