so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
