Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I got inside last night via doggy door
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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