whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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