so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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