Can i not drive my cunt home
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
