I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
