I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize