Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
