she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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