Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
