Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
