it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
