Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
