I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
