At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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