dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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