I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
