dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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