I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
