Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
