Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
