Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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