she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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