Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
