can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
