I'm going to jail i love you
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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