Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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