Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
