Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
