ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
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