you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
