Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
