Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
