i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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