I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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