May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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