Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
