We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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