I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize