I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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