got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
