He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
