I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
