she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
