Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
