i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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