The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
