I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
