walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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