Do you still have your period?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
