I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
