I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
