She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
