i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize