I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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