Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
sarcasm needs its own font
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
