I'm really into asian looking animals
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
