just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
