we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
