Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
