Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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