He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
