it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
