i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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