i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
