Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Will exercising make me less horny?
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