capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
