I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i permit you to call me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
