if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
