But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize