KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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