I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
