'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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