i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
