I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
