Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
