I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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