so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
