I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
