Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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