That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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