PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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