I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
