So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
