Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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