it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize